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Actual Play: 10 Days in Hospital, a journaling game

Welcome to 10 Days in Hospital, a one page journaling game about being stuck in the hospital over ten days after an emergency operation. This game in particular stands out to me because when my mom was in the hospital after her stroke, she was still alive for 10 days before we finally pulled her off life support. This game is emotional, and deals with themes of the hospital, surgery, loneliness, pain, medication, and helplessness. 

For the purposes of journaling I have played this game in one sitting, completing all 10 days and the final check and written it all down for you here. Please check out the game and support the creator! The game is pay what you want, with all proceeds going to Doctors without Borders, though you can pick it up for free as well.

Premise

After an examination, you've been referred to the hospital for an operation. 

1. How do you feel about going to the hospital?

Honestly, I'm nervous going. I don't like staying in the hospital long term, even as a guest, and I've only ever been admitted to a hospital once for dehydration, so going in for a full operation is nerve-wracking.

2. Who do you talk to about this situation?

Everyone. I don't want anyone in my life to be caught off guard about this, so I'm calling my father, my brothers, my partner and my friends to let them know that I'm going to the hospital but that everything should be okay.

You go under and wake up with cables and tubes everywhere. Start drawing cards.

Playing the Game

Diamonds : Loneliness
Hearts : Visitor(s)
Spades : Pain
Clubs : Nursing staff / doctors

A higher number indicates a more intense experience, with aces being emergencies or high energy encounters.

Day One - 7 of Clubs

Of course I'm finally awake and the nurses are in and out of my room asking how I'm feeling, if I'm comfortable, offering to help adjust my pillows as I can barely move. Seeing so many people is honestly a bit exhausting, and feeling obligated to "smile through the pain" is getting on my nerves.

Day Two - 5 of Spades

It's finally hit; I'm in a world of pain. I don't really want to be laying in bed but I can't get up and walk around with all these tubes connected to me. I feel trapped, like a wild animal, and I think I'm going to lose it here.

Day Three - 3 of Spades

I woke up this morning with the dull ache of having been in bed for three days. My hips hurt, my back is sore, and I've only been getting up (assisted) to go to the bathroom. I'd kill to walk outside right about now.

Day Four - 7 of Diamonds

No one has come to visit me in four days. None of my nurses have made any noise about if people have even dropped in to see if I'm okay. I don't know if they're keeping them out of my room on purpose or not. I haven't set foot out of the room to even see what floor I'm on and haven't really thought to ask until now. My family not being able to come around makes sense - they're out of state - but I thought my local friends would at least show up. I hope it's just a "no one but family" policy that's keeping them out but even then, that fucking sucks.

Day Five - 10 of Hearts

I'm moved to a different room entirely and finally greeted with my partner, friends, and my brothers. It seems I was being kept in isolation to make sure there weren't any complications with my surgery. Not to seem ungrateful - because I'm not, I'm glad everyone is here - but the worry on their faces and the fact that all of them  are here is overwhelming. I thought maybe the hospital would keep it down to one or two visitors at a time, but no, they've all been let in and it's loud in here. I just want to sleep.

Day Six - 8 of Clubs

I wake up to nurses checking a beeping monitor and a group of people standing at the edge of my room all talking over each other. I try to croak out a "what's going on" but no one seems to hear me or care. One nurse registers that I'm awake and starts stating all these tests that will need to happen, but I'm still reeling from sleep and just kind of nodding along. No one else is there to intercept the nurses or advocate for me, so I just have to go along with it.

Day Seven - 3 of Hearts

My partner is here first thing in the morning with breakfast and a soda for me. It takes a lot for me to sit up but we manage it and I get to eat non-hospital food for the first time in a week. We sit in companionable silence while we eat and I finally get to ask them how everything is going outside while I've been here. They fill me in and we have a relatively relaxed day together.

Day Eight - 4 of Clubs

I'm being read charts and explanations of what happened, but it's honestly going over my head. I thought having a nurse father had prepared me for a bunch of jargon, but nothing could have prepared me for spending this much time in here. The nurses are kind to my constant questions and asking them to repeat themselves, but when they leave I still feel exhausted.

Day Nine - 4 of Hearts

My brother's stop in for a visit and ask me how I'm doing. I can see the same weariness in them that I saw when mom was in the hospital. I assure them that I'm fine, I'm just ready to leave at this point, and they seem to perk up over the next few hours. It's tiring to have to be the one to reassure them while I'm still actively in this bed, and honestly have no idea when I'm actually getting out.

Day Ten - 8 of Hearts

My partner is with me when the nurses come in to say that I should be getting discharged in the morning. I encourage them to tell everyone who's still here while I finally get removed from cables and tubes. I'm able to stand unassisted for the first time in a week and a half and I can feel it in all of my joints. I'm still getting my legs to cooperate when people show up, and they've brought balloons and food and a lot of energy with them. It's good to hang out with people, I have to remind myself, and I have genuinely missed being around a bunch of people but I wish I wasn't in the hospital anymore.

Ending the Game

Red: How did the time in hospital change the perception of your own body?
Black: Which aspect of your stay, positive or negative, will stay with you?
Draw: What is the first thing you want to do once you are back home?

Spades

I'm really stuck on the nights alone and how draining it was to go from groups of people to nothing. The loneliness and lack of agency really hit me and made me want to chew my own arm off, but I survived nonetheless. I think the fact that I've made it through will linger with me longer, that I am that resilient and that the operation didn't leave me disabled.

What's the first thing you do once you are back home? - 7 of Hearts

I want to be around people, without being trapped in a bed the whole time. I want to throw a "congrats on surviving the hospital" party and I want to play board games. I've been stuck in that bed for so long and I don't want to crawl back into mine for a while.

Takeaways

I definitely have a tendency to crash out really fast as a person with both autism and BPD, and I had moments where I could feel those emotions welling in me while creating these scenarios for the game. If I were playing this alone I would likely record those emotions as well but since this is for an audience, I've cut a lot of it. The game is interesting and definitely something I would do again to process emotions and abandonment issues. I like the card mechanic and would definitely try the optional rule of evens as positive events and odds as negative events, as I didn't fully stick to that this time.

If you want a more "liveblog" experience, you can follow me over on Bluesky where I will be posting more often about my TTRPG experiences while on hiatus from actually streaming. If you'd like to support me monetarily, you can support my posts over on gumroad!

Thank you for reading!

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